Missing them

It's been over a month since the kids first got here, one at a time, to visit. I don't think I've had this much time with them since 2006. This are moments that are so precious to me-- a week or 2 here and there. It just a shame though. Twice a year is not enough to keep the connection as open as I once had with the children of my ex.

I can put it out of my head and heart for weeks at a time, the survival instinct is generally strong. But then it hits me. Last night was tough because Anjuli is leaving today. I was looking at my cat, who is older now, and thought of the cat that died in 03. I missed the Tigger cat. And then I remembered why I was crying on the shoulder of my lover. It wasn't about the cats. It's amazing how your thoughts and feelings get buried in a chain of familiar feelings. The cats, the death, the grief, ah... the source... my missing the kids.

Anj and Brian are growing up so much. They are 6 inches taller than the last time I saw them. With new voices. With new eyes. I think of all the moments that I have missed since they have been gone. I still have these vicious feelings of steely eyed anger for the perpetrator of this out-of-state burglary. Part of the reason that gay rights equalling marriage are so important can be listed with the above problem:

1) We make families regardless of law.
2) By making families and not having equal representation under the law for our relationships, we doom folks to horrifying splits involving children and $$$. If you didn't have the children, you can kiss your rights goodbye. If you are not the $$$ person, you could find yourself outta cash that you both worked together for.
3) You also doom the children to live with this. No one has any recourse.

When I next see them, it will be for my marriage to Kelli in Nov. I will shield myself as most survivors do for the next 5months. By the forceful forgetting. And the reawakening in Nov will be wonderful and painful and so very full.

Wherever you walk my children, you will always walk with me beside you. In dreams, in my heart. It is the only consistant gift I have left to give you both. And when the day comes that Kelli and I make our family bigger, with reintroduction of young ones, it will be with 2nd parent adoption. It will be with domestic partnership in hand. It will be with full of the smart steps that were not available with my last partnered life.

I look forward to the day when our gay and lesbian relationships will be deemed as worthy and as important as those of my sisters and friends and family. By society. And by the law.

Training Plans

Its been a while since I posted. In the meantime, my grandmother passed away, my sister left back for Utah, and Kelli and I rebuilt our front porch.


I'm in the middle of writing a couple of training sessions for some new GM's I'm taking care of this week. It's funny because all of the material is pretty much the same as it was when I did it 2yrs ago, the only difference are the amount of payroll to get everything done in, and the web links. :)

The porch is beautiful--made of Cedar. We are going to seal it up probably next weekend. Kelli and I have been busy planting a million plants in the yard and getting new planter boxes put in the front. We now have 6!!! growing trees in our yard now. I think I'm actually a tree hugger. If I could plant trees everywhere, I would.

The summer so far has been hot and dry. There was a few nights there I couldn't sleep because it was so warm. WA state is awesome, but houses have no A/C... so when it's 95.. it's 95 in your house. And it stays that way days after the weather actually cools off because of insulation.

The animals are well. My kids are coming out for a few weeks very soon, and I'm so thrilled to have them each for 2 weeks. Camping, Wild Waves, and 4th of july are on the agenda. :) I've been missing them lots.

As for work-- I'm moving to the Tacoma store, very soon. Someone competent and fun is taking over Tukwila. I'm moving into the Senior Field Trainer role as well, which comes with a tiny pay bump and lots more responsiblity. I think i'm going to need more administrative time. :(

Anyway, life is awesome. I am wishing lots of great things for everyone.

TAGRO.... OMG

Tagro took over my whole existance today. It started out a LOVELY morning with Nikki and the Korean spa. After being a year away from that place, I was more than ready to dive into their heated pools and let the salt room soak out all of my worldly tensions.



Then we came home and the girl of my dreams was digging in the dirt in our backyard. She cheerfully looked up and said "Hey there... help me pull weeds!" :)



Sooner than not weedpulling led to needing more DiRT and what better place to go than Tacoma's Finest, the SANITATION Center...where they turn Tacoma Resident turds into MANURE CLASS A BIOSOLIDS for your yard.



We asked for 1 yard.... it's all we had the cash for. Little did we understand that one yard, was AND ENTIRE DUMPTRUCK LOAD. The man scooped it up with a forklift and POOF! My beautiful blue truck was buried under an entire truck load of HUMAN WASTE TURNED AWesome!



Boy did it smell.



We came back thinking we had totally lucked out on paying 8 bucks for a yard full of "dirt". After an 2 hours of backbreaking shoveling, I decided to never again get a yard of TAGRO... More like 4 cm outta do it. :)



I'm now CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN and sitting in the comfortable house, kelli is cooking up some lovely potatoes and rolls and meat!





Morale of the story..... TAGRO, something is VERY wrong with their measuring systems. and now it's time to help the blondiebear.

Beginnings

Yay. Another foray into the world of words. I am excited to write more on this years' adventures. :)